When your calling should lead to a breakup

When your “Calling” should/should NOT lead to a breakup

“Many young people struggle to know whether they should pursue marriage with the individual they are dating because of differences regarding their life direction or “calling” (as some people put it).

First, we’re going to assume that the other person is a genuine follower of Christ. If the person is not, there’s a much bigger problem. Biblically, it’s extremely unwise for you to date a non-believer if you claim to know and follow Christ. This is because it would be wrong in God’s eyes for you to marry someone who is not a believer. Just break it off now. You don’t need to read the rest of this post (1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14).

Assuming they are a follower of Christ, you need to begin having discussions about each person’s flexibility around their sense of direction or calling.

Some helpful questions to consider:

Do either of you believe it would be wrong for to shift gears and let go of some of your dreams or your sense of “calling”?
Are you willing to sacrifice your personal direction or vision for the sake of the other person?

Some people feel very strongly about their direction in life and are genuinely convinced that God has called them to a particular role, lifestyle, or vocation. I don’t think this is wrong, and it seems that God does call some people to very specific things in very specific ways, although I think this is the minority experience.

One Caution

We must be open-handed with our plans. To be a Christian is to be a follower. To give over the reins (or the driver’s seat/steering wheel) of your life to God and seek His will and His plans, and to be willing to submit to Him. As Christians, we don’t belong to ourselves, but to God.

Although some people have a clear sense of calling early on, most discover their direction gradually over time. It’s rarely a straight line. It’s often marked by trial and error. Many faithful Christians end up doing something very different from what they first envisioned.

Over time, they learn how to glorify God, serve others, and provide for their families using the gifts and skills He has given them.

An Important Note

Once you are married, it should no longer be about my personal goals, plans, or dreams. It becomes us. It becomes we. It becomes our direction and calling. When you covenant with another person in marriage, you become one with them. Your direction becomes united. This doesn’t mean you’ll always be doing the same things, but it does mean you can’t simply pursue your own path if your spouse isn’t on the same page.

So back to the original question…

Are y’all okay with plans changing?
Are you okay with holding your plans open-handed?

Do you each have a clear, established direction that you feel strongly is the way you must go and neither of you are willing to be flexible or potentially give that up? (P.S. there are definitely situations where this option is valid and not selfish.)

In some ways, we live in a very unique culture, which makes this a difficult circumstance and question to walk through. We live in a day and age where you can be what you want, do what you want, travel where you want, and live where you want. Many people throughout history simply weren’t in a position where they had these kinds of options, which is why there isn’t a Bible verse or passage that directly speaks to this issue. Their direction in life was often clear from the beginning, and their marriage was likely arranged. Moving forward, I’d encourage you to pray (of course) and begin an honest conversation with your significant other about their sense of direction in life. If you both realize you’re headed in different directions, that’s okay. You can part ways in wisdom and goodwill toward one another. But, if there’s a spirit of flexibility and a genuine desire to make it work (whatever that looks like), you can likely move forward together, seeking the Lord and His guidance.

PS: Thanks for reading the article!!!! I pray it was a blessing to you! But the MOST important question is this: Do you know & follow Jesus personally???? Have you been “saved”??? Click the link below (FOLLOW JESUS TODAY) to read more about what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ!!!